livor mortis
by hinoiri lwin
Summary: there was nothing. no teasing remarks. no lecherous smile. no shinoa. —yuunoa—


_**livor**_ **mortis** | _In which he left her all alone to save humanity from extinction. But in the end, he was too late, because he had already seen it, had already felt it under his trembling palms—the fact that she was slowly, but surely, being painted into a sickening shade of blue as her beating heart began to flutter shut under her rib cage._

* * *

 **warnings:** Yuunoa again. But angsty though, cause I'm going to face my university's entrance exams (–and to think I have to do it twice… sigh. It must be hell over the earth. I have to do it t _wice_ , for shouting out loud. Really, I don't know what's wrong with the world these days….) so there would be a little to nothing of yuunoa to write about because I kind of, like, really, _really_ stressed into the point of breaking down because if I don't pass this one… I'm going to say goodbye to all my hobbies for eternity (and that's including drawing and writing and reading and I don't know what to do with my life if I am banned for good).

And the angst? Blame the pressures.

I hope you like this story though. I'm still a beginner, and english is not my mother language, so I'm sorry if there's any mistakes or errors and such.

Enjoy reading minna-san~

(I do not own Owari no Seraph, and X.U belongs to the mighty Sawano Hiroyuki-san. :D)

* * *

 **li·vor mor·tis  
[** _aɪ-vɔr ˈmɔr-tɪs/lahy-vawr mawr-tis_ **]  
** Latin: _livor_ —"bluish color" and _mortis_ —"of death"  
( _noun_ ) _a bluish-purple discoloration of the skin on the dependent parts of a dead human body, caused by hypostasis, or accumulation of blood due to the action of gravity._

* * *

 _ **10** \- ante bellum - before the war_

Yuichiro wiped his face clean from the dust and sweat, slightly limping on his side, before he ran with all his might to the center of the raging city. He ran into the middle of the ongoing war and prayed to god that he could take her away from all this mess.

But the flag had been raised up the land, and he finally ( _regretfully_ ) realized that he was too late.

 _Too late_ , he thought. Too damn late.

Everything was over.

It was raining blood and bones when he managed to set his foot on the torn battlefield. Crimson tears formed a river upon his feet as countless of decaying corpses littered around the place, buried under a thin layer of dust. Piles of what should have been parts of soldiers were scattered above the earth, and he wanted to vomit his stomach out so badly for the scenery was ( _for what it's worth_ ) hideous.

He put a hand over his face as the stench of death pricked his nostrils with its sharp flavor, and honestly, Yuichiro didn't really sure where the rotten smell came from.

 _(he didn't sure whether it came from his surrounding  
or maybe himself.)_

* * *

" _I don't want anybody to get killed!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "That's why—that's why I'll come and get you! Wait for me!"_

* * *

 _ **09** \- semper idem - always the same thing_

He shut his eyes for a moment, as if he was praying ( _or begging_ ) to whatever god up there, to make everything disappear from his sight. But no matter how much he wanted to tear his gaze away ( _from the dead, from the blood_ )—it was impossible. Such a morbid hope would not save him, because everywhere he looked it was the same scenery of mangled bodies thrown around.

Same dead-like eyes. Same bloodied smiles. Same mistakes. Same tears.

But there was no her.

He couldn't find her anywhere.

"Not here." he stepped over a pile of broken weapons, his feet between the lives he failed to save. "She's not here."

His voice was just a mere whisper, carried by the wind.

* * *

" _No signs no lights, it such a mess all over." the ground beneath her shook, and she was forced to kneel down near the earth. "But please, don't kill your hopes." she smiled so beautifully, "Because you made me realize who I need."_

* * *

 _ **08** \- ex amino - from the heart _

"W-Where?" he gritted through his teeth. "I-I need to—she's… _where_?"

Yuichiro gripped his blade tightly, ghostlike knuckles brushed against its leather binds as his forest-colored eyes desperately wandered over the damaged place. He screamed inside his mind, treading over the line of sanity and tried to keep his hysteria under control. Tremors began to shake his body and he stopped for a moment to catch his breath, before he ran again ( _between the corpses, between the faceless sea of people_ )—not quite aware of the blood that kept on seeping past his bandaged torso. Pain crawled through his body up to his abdomen and it felt like he was breaking into pieces every time he moved, but he—he didn't care because he had to find _her._

 _(had to. needed to. she's everything that he wanted.)_

"W-Where is s–she—" he said between even breaths, eyes galloping and chest heaving. The day was almost over. "I-I… I p-promised her, t-that I—will come, that I will save her, damn it!"

* * *

 _The purple haired girl hovered over his hunched frame before she smiled oh-so-bitterly at him. "The fallen angels you run with don't know—" she put her palm over his, "That it is our pain that makes us all human, after all."_

 _He cried back then, in her warm, warm arms, because it was hard to keep living on in a twisted world like this._

* * *

 _ **07** \- vox nihili -the voice of nothing_

 _'_ 'Y-Yuu... san...?''

As if his prayer was heard by whoever god up there, he finally found the object of his never ending hysteria. She was almost invisible, he noted, blended in so well with her surroundings as she slumped over a discarded corpse ( _it's not a wonder for she was bathed in such a disgusting color, after all_ ). The petite girl was smeared in red, blood upon her bruised skin and pale face, and he wanted to tear his eyes out when he saw the gaping hole which impaled trough her stomach.

No. It couldn't be. No, not _her_.

 _God no, no—please no, not her. Please, please_ —he prayed as his heart crumpled beneath his skin, hoping that she would survive, that she would be alive to escape this hell with him but at the same time he cursed the world for all its faults because she didn't deserve this hell.

 _(no, not her. never her)_

"….Shinoa?" he whispered, softly, gently.

There was no answer, and he broke a little.

It was like he was being suffocated as he watched her from the distance. It was crystal clear—how the blood formed a river under her mangled body, how pale she looked that she was almost resembled that of a corpse, and how she was barely breathing, _barely alive_.

But then, faint heartbeats echoed between his rugged breaths and the mere thought that she was dying—

It was enough to snap him out from his heinous daze, so he ran _(and ran he did)_.

"H-Hey? A-Are you okay?! Oi Shinoa?!'' he scrambled over to her mangled form, holding her body gently against his. "H-Hang on, I'm going to s-save you. Just hang on okay?!"

Shinoa blinked the tears away and fixed her blurry eyes into his hazy figure. "….Y-Yuu –s-san…? Is.. that y-you?"

He repressed the urge to cry as he embraced her close. No, he could not see her like this. It was too painful. "Y-Yes, it's—it's m–me." he chocked down a sob, forcing a smile. "I–I'm going to save you.. just—hang on, o-okay?"

Yuichiro desperately clung to her body, as if he was going to lose her forever, as if she was going to die. He was scared, _so scared_ that he started to tremble under the pressure. He saw blood began to spread all over his torn uniform as he held her, and he tried to stop the bleeding with his clumsy hands, hoping that it would be enough—

At least until he could find a proper way to dress her gaping wound.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but he didn't know just how long she was going to breathe properly with all those blood leaking out from her wound.

He thought it wouldn't be long until she was gone.

He cried silently, holding her still.

That lonely time, the boy prayed and prayed to a god he had long forgotten to not take her away from him.

 _(please, not her too. you can't take her from me too—he begged)_

* * *

 _He could feel the wind brushed against his skin harshly, and he shivered from the sudden contact. From the distance he could hear the screaming of utter agony mixed with manic laughter as the sky turned into a darkening hue._

" _Do you realize?" she asked, "The power of our army had been cut with a scythe." the smile that she gave him was long and bitter._

" _And if we lose you to them…" she paused, her lips coiled." We may never survive."_

 _He drew a breath and pulled his sword closer._

* * *

 _ **06** \- ars moriendi - the arts of dying_

"Y—Yuu.. –san…?" he could heard her voice, so broken and yet so beautiful at the same time. "I-I.. eve–ry.. -one… o–kay?"

"Y-Yes." he croaked out, biting his lips until it turned red. "Yes…. They are—they are okay. They are… waiting for us you see..." he tried to hold back the tears, but it was no avail as the glittering beads of water began to flood his flushed face.

He could not watch her like this. Why it must be her?

"S-So—" he paused when he felt her hand moved to wipe the tears away. He muted a scream from escaping out. Her palm was freezing cold. "—s-so... you have to h-hang on, you have to _survive_. Because… we are— …going home, together."

She fluttered her eyes up to him, her pair of chestnut orbs were glassy and obscured by unshed tears. "O-Okay." she said, "Okay… I–I understand… but it hu–rts… it hurts.. Y-Yuu…. –san… and—and I.."

 _(….i'm dying, she said.  
i'm going to die, she said.)_

Yuichiro chocked back a sob, tasting the revolting rust and salt between his lips. He hated the taste. He hated blood. He hated it even _more_ when it's on her. "I know… I—I know, but please— _please_ hang on, okay? I'm—we're going to save you. You're going to be alright. Just—just hang in there…" he begged desperately, wiping blood from her face.

There was silence as she watched him from her peripheral vision, aware of his broken state, aware of the tears. She was breaking all over the place, almost at the death's door, and she knew that. But it couldn't be helped. It couldn't be helped because it was supposed to be, and she was not complaining.

 _This is a broken world after all_ , she thought.

Tears hit her face again. It created a pitter-patter sound when it touched hers and she thought that it such a _pity_. The fact that no matter how much she wanted to hug him, to tell him that everything would be alright was impossible because she was dying, and he was falling apart.

Shinoa let out a sigh past her trembling lips, silvery white mist exited her mouth she was dreaming again. This boy in front of her, so strong, so brave, so broken—she wanted to stay by his side forever.

 _Forever is a long time, isn't it?_ She laughed for it was such a silly dream to have, but what came out were wet coughs instead.

That _forever_ she yearned for, was going to be something she could never have.

"Y-Yuu.. –san…?" she called over her weak voice, slowly giving up to the cruel, cruel world. "I–I… feel so... t–tired, can I….. c-close my eyes..?"

"Don't. God, p-please don't." he sobbed, and her heart broke a little. "No matter what don't close your eyes… keep—just k-keep breathing a-and don't sleep. D-Don't sleep."

She blinked again, eyelashes fluttered against her pale cheeks. He's crying again. She hated it when he cried, she hate it even more when he's crying for her. She needed to end this, for once and all. "…..o-okay. I'll… try… but Y-Yuu… –san?"

"…what is it?" he said, feeling cold.

"W-When I…. d-die," Shinoa smiled at him when he opened his mouth, obviously ready to stop her train of thought. "D-Don't be so… sad, Yuu-san… I.. know t–that I'm going to….. die." she closed her eyes for a moment before she opened them again. "And… and it c-can't….. be h–helped, it's... supposed to be….."

He bit his lower lip, hard. "You're not going to—"

"Y-You know. I k-know that….. y–you.. know." she cut him over, curling a broken smile. "And if I… die, I'm begging y-you… please… d-don't mourn.. for me." she smiled, and it was so beautiful, so beautiful that he wanted to remember it for eternity.

 _(but how could he not mourn for her—  
when losing her would be something he would regret for the rest of his life?)_

He shook his head, droplets of tears falling from the corner of his eyes like waterfall. "Shinoa I'm—"

"—g-going to sa _—_ ve… me." she cut him over softly, and yet, firmly. "I know… But… no m-matter what... happened to m-me, even if... e-even if I die today, or to–morrow, I….. I want you to continue on with… life." she was smiling, but he was fading into nothing.

He was falling, he was falling _hard_ and no one but her could help him.

But how could she when death was pulling her down right now?

"Comfort… Micchan, Yo–ichi–san, a-and Kimizuki-san for me…." she paused for a moment, catching her breath. "A-And maybe… Colonel Guren t-too." she laughed between shallow breaths and blinked the upcoming tears again. They fell across her cheeks down her lips. She tasted salt now, no more blood, no more rust.

She smiled.

"They would... mourn, they w-would… be sad." she whispered, still smiling. "B-but they are going to m-move on…. going to… live and I… I c-can't ask for anything b-better….. We're… soldier after a-all, d-death is… c-common for beings l-like us."

 _(the salty tears bloomed inside his mouth, and yet he tasted blood instead)_

"It's… going t-to be… hard. And…. I'm sorry, but life m-must go on…. Even t–though… I can't be a part of that f-future, you… you have to keep on li–ving. Keep on s-struggling." she coughed up bloods, cleansing her red. And yet, she was still smiling. He _hated_ that smile. "Don't… be s-so reckless… okay? I'm n-not going to be there… to wa–watch your back… to keep you in l-line, so… p-please—"

 _(the face under him was strangely unfamiliar,  
still he knew her smile)_

"…..live, keep…. –living… a-and… I-I… t-he rest… to –you…."

 _(her laughter sounded like chiming bells but it was so distant—)_

"…Shinoa?"

 _(then he remembered  
he was hoding his heart between his arms)_

"Please—please t-talk to me, you—you are there, aren't you?" his tone was desperate and cold against her ears, and she hoped, _she hoped_ that he would mend when she's gone.

 _(the night was long and bitter, and her heart flutter shut under her rib cage)_

She was seeing double when the pain ate her senses away. And the numbness that began to spread all over her body reminded her that she was going to die as she drifted away.

 _(this is it, she thought  
no turning back.  
no second chance.)_

She blinked her eyes, drawing salty tears and caught his blurry face. But she could not hear him. Not anymore.

Why it must end like this? She didn't want to die. She wanted to be with him forever. She wanted to be there, to smile with him, to stay by his side, to grow up with him, to go on mission together, to marry and have a family she could call her own. She wanted it all.

But above all, Shinoa wanted to be happy. She really, really did.

"Y-Yuu –s-san…" she whispered, reaching him out. "I'm… y-you know? I-I thi–nk… I lo—"

 _(it's time, that person said.)_

Her hand fell.

Her breath stopped.

And from the corner of her eyes, the orange sky melted into darkness.

* * *

" _Yuu-san?" she called him over her shoulder, but she didn't catch his eyes._

 _He blinked his eyes, "What?"_

" _You–You can leave you know—" she stopped for a moment, as if she was hesitating before she sighed and finally brought her eyes to his conflicted ones. "But you must first believe in us."_

 _He didn't hesitate when he said, "I always do."_

* * *

 _ **05** \- ave atque vale - hail and farewell_

"…Shinoa?" he whispered, afraid. "A-Are you awake?"

No response. No answer. _Nothing_.

"Shinoa..?" he began to feel the dread crawled up his body.

Silence fell between them.

 _(no not her please not her don't take her away—  
she's going to die –di-ediedie—)_

Yuichiro bit his lips until it drew crimson. _No_ , he thought. _Not like this_. _Please_ , he begged, _please not her too._

"Shinoa…?" he called weakly, "Please—please answer me. You're–you're still—" he paused for a moment as if the mere thought had pained him before he brushed the blood from her pale lips. "…alive, aren't you..?"

Silence.

There was nothing. No response. No twitch of a hand. No teasing remarks. No lecherous smile _. No Shinoa_.

 _(the face under him was strangely unfamiliar,  
but he knew her smile)_

He felt like he was drowning and no one came to help him breathe.

 _(then he crumpled to the ground like a puppet cut from its string when he realized that—)_

She was gone like the summer breeze.

* * *

 _The girl beside him smiled widely, showing her teeth. "Remember, Yuu-san." she teased him with all knowing grin. "Just one step at a time and keep your head up_ _—"_

* * *

 _ **04** \- deux ex machina - god's machine_

Yuichiro hugged her limp body closer, brushed blood-streaked lavender tresses from her ghostlike face, and pressed a gentle kiss upon her burning cold lips, before he cried.

And cried.

And cried.

* * *

 _"_ _—_ _and you'll be free."_

* * *

 _ **03** \- via dolorosa - the way of sorrow_

"Where is he?" Kimizuki Shiho asked between split lips and broken jaws. "It's time. So where is that idiot?"

The brown haired, but red coated, fragile, fragile Saotome Yoichi stood on his feet among the mourning, black-cloaked sea of peoples. A lone umbrella abandoned on his side as he welcomed the rain to wash him free from the blood.

 _(to wash him free from the guilt.)_

"He won't come." he said. "And you know that."

Kimizuki stared at him for a moment, before he sighed. "I know. I know, but I'm still hoping that he will come, somehow, I don't know." he blew smokes from his mouth, "I'm not really sure when it comes to him. He's always unpredictable, even for us."

"I know, right?" Yoichi laughed bitterly. "Yuu-kun and Shi—" he paused, trying to find another word to describe that person, but it was pointless, it's _impossible_ because she unique and she was one of a kind.

A figure he could never forget. A person he— _they_ held dear.

They could never forget her. Not now, not ever.

"A-And her—" he muttered, "Both of them are confusing. Always in their own little world, so I'm not complaining."

They watched as countless of unnamed bodies being hoisted upwards into the raging flame. The rain had stopped and the fire was searing red. The faces were mostly foreign but they recognized one of them with the familiar periwinkle hair. Their breaths halted for a moment as they saw her body being eaten raw by the flames, before they closed their eyes to pray.

 _(everything was over in a blink of eyes, just a moment  
but it felt like forever.)_

"He watched her die." Yoichi began as he saw the girl disappear between the smokes, ashes soared into the darkening sky and he thought _there she goes, I'm not going to see her again. It's time to say goodbye_.

"I know." The bespectacled boy hummed, eyes never left the melancholic sight.

"She told him not to mourn." he said again. "She told him—and us, she told us to keep on living."

"I know." Kimizuki did not catch his eyes, but he smiled nevertheless. He recalled those little moments when they were still whole, when they were still complete, and not broken like this. And for a moment there, he regretted not thanking her for those important lessons she'd taught him when he'd first started his journey.

 _(it was friendship that she taught us; me and him and that idiot.)_

"But she smiled." Yoichi whispered again, and this time louder; taking in a calming breath. "In the end, she was still smiling."

"I know." he said.

"I'll miss her." The boy began again, before his voice turned into messy sobs. "W-We'll miss her…."

Kimizuki gripped his twin-blades tightly before he put his hand on his grieving comrade's shoulder. "We will."

* * *

" _Don't be afraid." she said,_

" _Take all the time. Don't come here too fast. I'm going to wait, so—"_

* * *

 _ **02** \- tempus fugit - time flies_

"You shouldn't be here." The man said to her slumped form. "You should be with your team. They're already there."

Sanguu Mitsuba, for once, ignored her superior as she sat on a broken chair, clasping her hands together as if she was praying.

 _(or begging?  
she honestly didn't know, nor she cared.)_

"I know you heard me, Mitsuba." Guren sighed. "Get your ass up from that chair and go to the funeral, damn it."

Silence.

"Mitsuba." he said exasperatedly. "Just—just come. Give your last regards to her. It's time, and you have to go."

"Why should I?" she finally opened her mouth, voice so hoarse and ragged and he wondered just how long she had been crying. "Why should I go? Even that idiot doesn't. So tell me Lieutenant Colonel Guren—" she chocked on her own tears, "Why should I?"

Guren didn't meet her eyes, but he could picture her face so vividly. It was the same face he was wearing a long time ago, after all.

Broken face. Shattered face. And of giving up, of pain and agony, and also losing someone you held dear—

He knew it all.

"You should come, because you are—were," he corrected himself, "You were her bestfriend, weren't you?"

The violet-eyed girl only stared on his face for a few seconds before she laughed bitterly, "See? Even you—" her mocking tone reduced to sobs, "Even you, Lieutenant Colonel Guren. I thought you care about her, I thought you _care_ , even just a bit. But I guess I was wrong, wasn't I?"

There was silence as the girl wept on the ground. The black-haired man beside her could only watched her with pity, as he saw himself portrayed on that girl so clearly. _It's the same with me_ , he thought, when he was mourning with that girl who-could-have-been but gone in the end.

Pain was different for everyone. But pain was always hard for everyone. He was no different from her.

Losing someone was hard. Most of all, it was painful.

 _(you're with her, aren't you? please watch her over for me, okay?  
he prayed over the thousand miles.)_

"I know it's hard." Guren lowered himself down before he squatted near her hunched form. "And believe me, I know what it feels like." he put his hand over her head and it lingered there for a while. "I lost someone too, a long time ago. So I know what you're going through." he said, nostalgic.

"But it hurts." she cried as her hand hovered over her heart, clawing at the fabric of her uniform. "It hurts so much and I don't know what to say—"

 _(she was bright, like the sun and she grinned so easily over her shoulder and she thought, she thought  
there goes her bestfriend, she's going away, somewhere she couldn't follow.)_

"—besides goodbyes. But that's not enough. That's… not… enough…"

Her cries echoed between the barren space, and Guren bid his little troublemaker a goodbye.

 _('till we meet again,  
in another place, another time)_

"You know, she was like my little sister." he said through rueful grin, "So I know that she wouldn't want us to mourn for her."

"I know." she said, " _I know."_ she repeated, "But what should I do besides grieving? Besides mourning?"

The man only smiled at her, not too wide, just a nice, little _(honest)_ smile before he patted her head slightly. "She wouldn't want any of that—"

 _(i'll miss you.)_

"So smile instead."

* * *

 _"I miss you so much but I'm going to wait for you. It's not your time yet so please don't come too fast, alright? I'll be here. I'll be waiting for you no matter how long it takes."_

* * *

 _ **01** \- culpa est mea - the fault is mine_

Yuichiro stood over the edge of Nagoya Hall's, face held high and eyes so, so strong as he gazed at the blooming smokes in a distance. The tearmarks on his uniform were still new and lukewarm and he thought, _ah, there she goes,_ leaving him all alone in this forsaken place.

She had always been that fickle.

Always been that cruel.

And yet, he could not hate her.

 _(he tasted the salty tears between his lips, and wondered if she was watching him from up there  
it's possible, he thought, at least she owe him that much.)_

"You're not going to bid her goodbye?" his blue-eyed, golden-haired friend _(family)_ loomed behind him, but Yuichiro paid him no mind as he watched the sky began to morph into a darkening hue. "It's time for you to go."

"I won't go." he paused, "And you know that." he added after a second.

"Perhaps." Mikaela said. "But then again, I'm going to bid mine, even for a moment."

The raven crowned boy sighed. "Then go. I'm not going to stop you."

"I know." he chided from his place. "I know that much. But I still think that you should go." he paused, biting his lower lip. "At least for a while, give that girl your goodbye."

"I can't. I promised her." Yuichiro whispered. "I promised her that I will not mourn for her. That I will comfort Mitsuba, Guren, Yoichi and even that Kimizuki. I promised her that I will live on, that I will not linger in the past….. that I will stride forwards." he chuckled wetly.

His eyes softened at the new batch of tears welling inside those emerald eyes. "Yuu-chan..."

"I promised her a lot of things." he closed his eyes to open them again. "But I can't—I can't keep any of them, at all." he broke into tears after that, "I'm so useless, aren't I?"

There was silence as they watched the ashes and smokes at the distance. They could hear the never-ending prayers being chanted continuously from afar, biding goodbyes, that were. Yuichiro gripped a familiar ribbon over his calloused hand and he dreamed of her when he closed his eyes.

"I'm still on my previous suggestion." The vampire broke the silence. "I'm going ahead."

"Yeah." he said weakly, but he didn't turn around. "—and Mika?"

"What is it?"

"Welcome home."

His pair of clear blue eyes widened for a fraction of seconds but then it reduced into a tender gaze. Mikaela hummed quietly and gave him a soft smile before he vanished into thin air, leaving him only with empty space to lean on. But he didn't complain.

 _(until the end,  
he never came to bid his goodbye.)_

* * *

" _I'm sorry." she said regretfully, "I shouldn't have left everything in your hand. It was selfish of me, and I want you to know that—that I'm sorry."_

" _What are you talking about?" he asked, "It's my decision to make. I want to save everyone." he paused._

" _I want to save you."_

 _She stilled the shock, smiled widely then pulled his warm body into her._

* * *

 _ **00** \- ars amandi - the act of loving_

"It had been months, hadn't it? Or years? I'm not really sure." he chuckled a little, curling a smile. "I don't really care to keep up with time, and it's been hard for me to keep on going, for all of us, really. But we've been trying. So yeah, we're okay. Still broken, but okay."

He paused for a while when he found himself thinking about the others back home. "We're still the same, you know. Kimizuki's an ass. Yoichi's a softie. Mitsuba's a mother hen. And Guren's still a bastard." he halted a little, "And Mika—Mika's back, I guess."

 _No._

He was lying. To her, to himself. Because nothing was the same with her gone.

Nothing could ever be the same without her.

They were broken, and that's it. Broken, forever.

 _(the space around him was void and barren like his heart,  
and he decided that it was finally time to pay his visit properly.)_

"It's been hard without you." he broke the silence, relenting. "And we're _not_ the same. A patched up family, but that's okay….. We're not going to be the same, because you're not here with us. But that's to be expected, and we'd accepted it ever since you've been gone."

His cloak slid from his shoulder quite often, but he didn't bother to correct it. "I fulfilled my promises to you." he grinned, showing his teeth, before he frowned again. "Well, I'm still working for the last but it's enough, isn't it?"

To not mourn—she made him promise to not mourn for her. But it was impossible for him, after all.

 _(he was hitting the hard ground with his naked skin  
the loose stones and sand clawed at his feet and he remembered her smile between his pain.)_

"This is the first time that I visited you, isn't it?" he said after a moment. "It's been hard, and I didn't think I could hold back my tears if I'd came. But here I am—" he smiled, "I hope I'm not too late, that bastard Kimizuki and Guren have been cornering me to come, but this is the first time I can bring myself to meet you again."

 _(heart's broken and relationship's mend  
but hers never came back, and his never truly fixed.)_

"I miss you." he paused, "We miss you. It's different without you, and even I feel out of place."

 _(but it's okay, he said.)_

"I'm sorry, Shinoa." he croaked out. "I'm sorry. I failed to save you. I broke my promises. It's not supposed to be like this—" he sucked in a breath, trying to tame his rattling heart. "I—I want to be with you until the end. I want you to stay with me forever, but I guess forever is a very long time, isn't it?" he chuckled, bringing his palm over his searing eyes. " I understand that you couldn't wait that long. Such a selfish girl, you are."

 _(it's okay.)_

"Don't worry, I promised you that I will visit you soon. We _will_ meet again, and this time, I won't take any goodbye from you." he put back his cloak to its place and dusted off his uniform, standing on his feet. "You have to wait though, because we're going to make everything right first."

 _(she was gone, but he was not  
it was a sad little thing, but he promised her that he would keep on living.)_

"Until we meet again, Shinoa." he whispered, "And I think—I–no…" he laughed a little, the corners of his eyes crinkled. "I'm going to save it for our reunion."

Yuichiro smiled, and a moment later he said;

"Thank you then, for everything."

* * *

 _ **per se** \- ab aeterno - from eternity_

He didn't cry back then.

And even now, when he was once again crouching in front of her memorial years after her death, when her lavender hue of a ribbon was marked across his wrist; he didn't even spare a tear.

Even if the pain was still fresh and gaping whole,

Even if the scar which left from that time still hurt; he didn't cry.

He whispered words against the wet ground as the rain pitter-pattering against his wrinkled skin. He was old then, but he was definitely older now. So old and jaded and so, _so_ tired.

The memories were coming now; steadily embracing his worn soul in soft ripples. Her smile; her laugh; her tears; her _everything_ —they poured down of him like an endless wave and he couldn't – _shouldn't_ – keep the feeling, the _longing_ locked away anymore.

So instead, he smiled softly, kissed the washed-out violet around his wrist, and began to close his eyes.

They did not need goodbye, he thought as her tombstone began to fade away and replaced by nothingness.

The phrase 'i love you' left unsaid as the distance between disappeared over time.

( _it's nice to see you again; she smiled_ )

* * *

 **Author's note:**

BLAME THE EXAMS. BLAME THEM ALL. Shinoa is not going to die as long as i'm alive. This make me cry but I can't stop *cries*

Until we meet again…


End file.
